reminder: every time you say “no thank you” you’re getting skinnier
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it kills me.
it really kills me, how you told me that you loved me, that i meant everything to you. When we would just lay together, you’d tell me “forever baby” now look at us now. How can you just go behind my back, cheat on me throughout our whole relationship & still tell me you love me… if you really loved me, you wouldn’t of cheated on me. I feel like there is something wrong with me. I feel like i wasn’t good enough for you, that why you cheated on me. I’m self conscious as it is, and i thought you accepted me for me & my flaws.. but the way i see it is, that you didn’t. You went and messed with some other girl, who was apparently better some way, some how.
It kills me too know that i wasn’t even worth the truth from the start. I’ve changed so much.. I’ve kill the relationship with my friends, my parents for you.. one thing that bugs me more than anything, was losing my innocence. i know it was my choice too but it kills me. Every day that passes i think about that, and how much bullshit ive put up with over the past year and a half.. and you couldn’t even be real with me. You ruined me. you really did.
“If he loved you so much, why did he risk it?” Because he didn’t love me enough. Simply put.
The first thought that goes through your head is, “Was I not good enough?”
“Was there something wrong with the way I loved?”
Or
You’re filled with a blinding red rage that you can’t see through that is like the clatter of banging steel pots and pans, constantly asking him, “Why did you do this to me?”
When that rage settles, a sense of grief envelopes every fibre of your being.
You first notice it when he stops responding to your “I love you"s
Never fall in love with someone who has a history of cheating. You feel like you can change them, that your love will make them a better person, but you turn into just another notch in their belt, another woman he used and left on the side of the road, bleeding and broken.
You start blaming yourself for it. You start wondering why you were never enough. You stop trusting anyone who is trying to love you better, to give you what you deserve. Because you believe you deserved what happened to you.
I never wrote about this before because I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of ruining me.
I was not surprised but I was highly disappointed.
I felt utterly lonely, like I was never meant to be loved and I told myself that there’s no point in crying because what’s done is done.
It’s been more than 6 months since that has happened, and I found myself in the arms of someone new. Someone who has held my hand and promised me the world and strives really hard to give me everything he can.
It does get better. The grief in your bones that filled you with an ache that made you feel like you’d swallowed poison, fades.
It gets better.
Tamarind Fall; On being cheated on.
daintyaspirations
